New Year's Resolution: Be more Like the Lions

Now stick with me here.

The Detroit Lions were terrible this season. They lost all 16 of their regular season games (the first NFL team to accomplish this dubious feat), and are currently at a 4-26 run over multiple seasons. They lost a few close games, were blown out several times, and never really gave any other team a run this year. Despite the legendary suction, however, they went out with as much honor and class as a team possibly could given their situation. Here's a short list of reasons why their season was better than it appears on paper:

They fired GM Matt Millen. A great player in his day, and by all accounts a genuinely good guy, Millen has the business acumen of a ditch-digger's assistant and the creativity of his shovel.

They have the top draft pick. If they take another WR, retract this entire post. They also traded away an overrated troublemaker for another 1st rounder.

They didn't blame anyone but themselves: Every week's post-game interviews could have been a hen fight. Almost without exception as to player or day, these guys took the burden of accountability on themselves. The press conferences were depressing, but not the bloodbath they could have been. The players didn't blame the scheme, the weather, the officiating, or the grim and unknowable Fates. Even when a certain quarterback ran backwards out of his own end-zone the rest of the squad gritted their teeth and shouldered their share of the blame for the loss.

They played hard every single week. They got beat, but only physically. I expected to see these guys quit on their coach, which is tantamount to quitting on yourself. For the most part, it didn't happen even though they had every reason in the world to just roll over and drift aimlessly across the finish line.

By and large, this team owned up to what they did(n't do) and carried it with whatever dignity they could muster. I don't see myself winning the Super Bowl or going 0-16 this year in my own life, but whatever happens, I hope I handle it with the dignity the Lions managed to show this season.

Or at the very least, I hope I don't underachieve and implode in a flaming ball of pure drama.

The Comparitive Genius of Football and Futbol

I was wearing my sad face all day after my beloved Steelers' field general did a full-blown skull plant on Sunday. The tender ministrations of two Browns' defenders left Big Ben with a moderate concussion right before the playoffs. I know, I know: They have a bye week coming up and lots of time for recuperation, but I like to get my brooding and mourning out of the way early, much like my wife buys Christmas presents.

An acquaintance of mine (is that an appropriately delicate way of differentiating between an imbecile I know and an imbecile I don't know?) told me that he didn't understand why American football players wear helmets - they're too ugly and stupid to warrant protecting anything above their necks. He then went on to extol the virtues of soccer, and even went to the trouble of educating me on the correct spelling, application, and etymology of the futbol. Really, it was quite a soul-stirring performance. I like soccer, but there are lines one doesn't cross with me... and football is all of them.

I would have been at a loss if it weren't for this great article I happened to recall, where a famous European footballer describes the intricate strategy inherent in his beloved "beautiful game":

Fussball ist wie Schach, nur ohne Würfel. (Football is like chess, only
without the dice.) -Lukas Podolski

Good news for the Steelers: Roethlisberger flashed a thumbs-up as they carted him off the field on Sunday. Good news for the Browns: Other fingers were used as the Browns carted their newly-fired head coach out of his office the next day.