Valkyrie: Cruise Is Crazy, But (probably) Isn't a Nazi

My dad and I just returned from seeing Valkyrie, the story of a failed assassination attempt on Hitler by a conspiracy consisting primarily of Wehrmacht officers in 1944. I have to tell you, people have been coming out of the woodwork to tell me they hate Tom Cruise and this movie almost as much as they hate Nazis [insert intricate Scientology/Oprah's couch/Nazi joke here].

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I refuse to drag us all through the discussion of whether we hate Valkyrie because we hate Tom Cruise. In terms of Hollywood wingnut freaks, he's actually pretty benign.

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I won't go into the plot either, but here is what really happened. Short version: the movie is pretty accurate. That statement doesn't require a qualification, like "pretty accurate as far as Hollywood goes". It's just "pretty accurate".

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The biggest complaint I've heard is that the movie is boring and poorly paced. I hate to be a pedant, but let's refer to the paragraph and link above... this really happened. I'm not a turtleneck clad indie movie geek by any stretch, but if you were waiting for Vin Deisel to slide into the Nazi conference room on a burning motorcycle and stuff a plasma grenade down Hitler's leiderhosen while grunting an obscenity laced one-liner, y'all came to the wrong hoe-down.

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The second big complaint is that Cruise's acting is wooden and boring. Cruise was asked to play a veteran military officer in an army that did it's best to hearken back to the ideals of Teutonic knighthood. Traditional stoicism was also a big movement in the Wehrmacht, especially later in the war when the military realized they didn't have much of Germany to cling to other than the national honor they themselves were generating by fighting honorably. In this respect, I thought Cruise nailed it.

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The last and most absurd complaint I heard was about the accents. Some actors went authentic German, most others sported British accents, and Cruise and a few others spoke in American accents. Honestly. Why is it that when the cast are supposed to be speaking a different language, movie-goers expect, nay demand, to hear a British accent? Is it like that in London too? Do all their German soldiers sound like they're from Utah? If you want to pick lingual nits in movies, then only go to movies with subtitles or shut up. And shut up In English.

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Oh, and while we're on the language thing, Valkyrie did the second best audience language transition moment I've seen in a movie. Second best, mind you.

The Comparitive Genius of Football and Futbol

I was wearing my sad face all day after my beloved Steelers' field general did a full-blown skull plant on Sunday. The tender ministrations of two Browns' defenders left Big Ben with a moderate concussion right before the playoffs. I know, I know: They have a bye week coming up and lots of time for recuperation, but I like to get my brooding and mourning out of the way early, much like my wife buys Christmas presents.

An acquaintance of mine (is that an appropriately delicate way of differentiating between an imbecile I know and an imbecile I don't know?) told me that he didn't understand why American football players wear helmets - they're too ugly and stupid to warrant protecting anything above their necks. He then went on to extol the virtues of soccer, and even went to the trouble of educating me on the correct spelling, application, and etymology of the futbol. Really, it was quite a soul-stirring performance. I like soccer, but there are lines one doesn't cross with me... and football is all of them.

I would have been at a loss if it weren't for this great article I happened to recall, where a famous European footballer describes the intricate strategy inherent in his beloved "beautiful game":

Fussball ist wie Schach, nur ohne Würfel. (Football is like chess, only
without the dice.) -Lukas Podolski

Good news for the Steelers: Roethlisberger flashed a thumbs-up as they carted him off the field on Sunday. Good news for the Browns: Other fingers were used as the Browns carted their newly-fired head coach out of his office the next day.

New Home, Same Babble

Hello and welcome to the new home of the Babblestorm!

If you've followed the trail of mental detritus here from our old place, then congratulations for finding us. I thought sending you to summer camp, then moving and changing the locks would have been enough to shake you...

If you're here for the first time, then welcome. I hope you find something worth your time. If the link above doesn't take you to my old posts, then lucky you. It was just more of this crap. At some point I'll move the best of the old posts to the archive here - anything I don't move wasn't worth reading the first time.