You don't know your Roman History unless...

you do. But if you don't, then you should really get your tail and ears over to Mike Duncan's History of Rome podcast and blog. I'm only about 12 hours into it (!) but I can say it's fascinating, well paced, and very informative. Mike does a great job of distilling the most thoroughly researched ancient people in history down to digestable 20-ish minute podcasts that really show both the events and the uniquely Roman mindset that made them great (and then, later, not so great).

Don't let the author's somewhat deadpan delivery turn you off... it's a devious feint so his sardonic wit can catch you even further off guard. Here are a few of my favorite quotes from the podcast so far:

On divination about an impending naval battle with Carthage:

What made [the Romans] think they'd be victorious without the approval of
the sacred chickens is beyond me.

On the less-than-honest actions of a certain senator:

Boo, Claudius. Boooo. (Sounding bored now) Booooo-oooo-oooooooooooooo. Ooo.

On the conversation between Hannibal and Scippio Africanus in Syria some years after the 3rd Punic war:

Who's the best general now, suckah?

In the interest of full disclosure, The History of Rome may not keep you enthralled if you're already a keen student of Roman history - it does too good a job of hitting high points and keeping the facts breezy to allow for deep exploration. But for those of us whose knowledge of Rome doesn't challenge that of their stolen Gods, this is a great find.

They hate it when you blow their alpenhorns.

I was passing through the avenues a few days ago, and saw an inverted American flag on display at a home. In quick succession, the following thoughts tramped through my head like a company of upside down marines in an upside down parade commemorating upside down day...

1. Isn't a bit passe to fly an upside down flag now? I know it was trendy to revile Bush, but is hating Obama what the cool kids are doing already?


2. Wait, has Obama been in office long enough to even hate yet? That was quick. There are probably some embryos we can get pissed at, just to get ahead of the curve.


3. Wait, Does this person know that flying an inverted flag really means that the people inside are in dire distress, according to the US flag code, regardless of the common colloquialism?


4. Wait,

And that's when it hit me. None of these questions mattered. Nothing mattered. Nothing mattered like the answer to this overriding, all-important, vital question... the question that hammers in my thoughts like the beating heart of a feral beast of ignorance, consuming all other glimmering thoughts before they can kindle into intelligent mental discourse:

How do the Swiss show their neighbors that they hate their government?!

Inverted? Reversed? Both? How do these politically ambivalent, money-sheltering, watch-making chocolatiers show their national displeasure?

Come to think of it, I don't even know how to make a Swiss national angry. Do you lampoon them in popular tween movies? Do you insinuate that their money is named after a font? Maybe you could make fun of the papal guards' uniforms? I think that's all been done before, and they seem terribly... Swiss about it.

Meh. Querulous thought-beast subdued. Time to focus on what matters.